


It's a secret

by 20Zvorak17



Series: WinJess [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Feels I hope, Jess figures out that Sam was/is in love with Dean, Past Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 12:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20Zvorak17/pseuds/20Zvorak17
Summary: She sees it. Whatever he's about to tell her is secret and deep and he holds it sacred. He's never told another soul.Another moment of consideration and he doesn't tell her either.ORSam opens up about Dean a little and Jess fills in the blanks.This is a preface to another story soon to be posted (cause I do this a lot)





	It's a secret

He's almost crying. The sight is heartbreaking but she feels privileged, too, because Sam holds back everything. He doesn't show emotions that might be considered weak, but he's letting her see. It feels like a gift, bittersweet, but a gift, a show of incredible trust, all the same.

"What's wrong?" She asks. 

"It's my brother's birthday," he begins and she sucks a breath because Sam has never, ever talked about his family other than to say 'You don't need to meet them, Jess. We're not...you don't need to.' She'd thought that meant they all hated each other, or something, but it doesn't feel like that. "I called him. He didn't want to talk to me. _Doesn't_ want to talk to me."

And that sucks, but if her brother cut her out she wouldn't be this torn up. "You seem really cut up about it."

"We're...we  _were_ really close. I use the term big brother like most people use dad and he says little brother like most parents say son." His tone is quiet, solemn; he might be in a confessional. "He basically raised me, you know? Dean's the only parent I've ever really _had_ and then we were best friends and partners." And she feels it; he's on the verge of telling her something he has never shared with anyone else. A secret he holds inside himself, that he's never been able to tell. After a moment though, he thinks better of it, scratching behind his ear. She can't help but be a tad disappointed and yet honored because she's pretty sure what he has said...well, he's never shared that before, either. "So, I am. Pretty cut up about it." She's missing something and it's crucial and she wonders if the absent piece was what he'd been about to say. "I get that he's hurt, you know, I do. But he just...he sees Stanford as something I did to him instead of for me. When that changes, maybe he'll call me."

"He will," and she shouldn't say that because he might not; he may never get it. She still wonders what it is he almost told her and what that tone of voice she couldn't quite identify had meant.

 

 

The first thing she notices when she wakes up is that Sam isn't in bed. She waits a couple of minutes in case he's just in the bathroom but he doesn't return. She decides to go find him, in case it was another nightmare. The only thing that calms him is to hold her. She walks into the kitchen and Sam is easy to make out. His 6' 5 frame is distinguishing. He's standing close to a shorter figure, and only shorter because Sam's so freaking tall. It's not intimately close, as if they were about to kiss, but he obviously knows the intruder quite well. It doesn't escape her that the light isn't on and that means these two know each other in the dark. Like it's instinctive; like it's their smell or the feel of their proximity or the shape of them beneath each other's hands. 

She flips the light and they're like deer in the headlights. It's as if they've been caught doing something they ought not to be. And then Sam introduces them, walking over to her--but also casually putting space between himself and the man with sand-colored hair--his brother.

"I need to borrow your boyfriend," Dean says and the way he says boyfriend savors strongly of bitterness; the pieces are starting to fall together. And when Sam makes a gesture that says 'She's as important as you are; as permanent as you are' and the other looks down, not quite in time to hide his look of anguish, she gets it. It was a secret Sam had never, could never, tell anyone else.

They're brothers and they're in love.

And the routine that had seemed just a little rehearsed when they had deliberately separated, the one that had looked like they'd done it a million times before? They have. She should be freaked about this, she's pretty sure, but she just isn't because the way they look at each other is far from dirty.

Her heart warms when Sam makes the gesture that says 'She matters'. It says 'She's permanent.' But then Dean says something about a hunting trip and whatever  _that_ is, Sam asks her to excuse them. She's a tad uneasy about it, of course, her new revelation still affecting her view. She trusts him, though. She tries to talk him out of the trip, but he won't cheat on her, she is very sure. Trust and all.

It's a long two days that he's gone and they're back earlier in the day than she expected.

"I've been having nightmares," he explains, "and a horrible feeling. We shagged ass back here."

"Sam what's going on?"

He tells her about werewolves and ghosts and wendigos and why 'hunting' had produced the reaction it did. "We just have to go, Jess."

Their apartment goes up in flames anyway. And thank you God, Sam thinks, without Jess in it.


End file.
